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Elda Stories Blog

Stories that gladdens the heart

JOKE: THE WISE DOCTOR

A Nigerian Graduate can’t find a job so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside “GET TREATMENT FOR $20. IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.”

A lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and
goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: I have lost my sense of taste”.

Nigerian Graduate:Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in patient’s mouth.

Lawyer: Ugh. This is kerosene.

Nigerian Graduate:Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give
me $20

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.

Lawyer:I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything.

Nigerian Graduate:Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth.

Lawyer (annoyed):This is kerosene. You gave this to me
last time for restoring my taste.

Nigerian Graduate:Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $
20.

The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.

Lawyer:My eyesight has become very weak.

Nigerian Graduate:Well, I don’t have any medicine for that, so take this $100.

Lawyer (staring at the note):But this is $20, not $100.

Nigerian Graduate:Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $
20.

You can’t beat a Nigerian Graduate!

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JOKE: DENNIS THE INTELLIGENT BOY

A female teacher, was having a problem with a boy called Dennis in her class of 3rd grade.

Dennis told her,”Madam, I should be in 4th grade. I’m smarter than my sister and she’s in the 4th grade”.

The Teacher had heard enough of his complaining and took Dennis to the Principal’ s office.

She explained everything to the Principal who decided to test Dennis with some questions that a 4th grade should know, which including reciting the “Times Table”, which he got right.

The Principal asked Dennis many other questions and Dennis got them all right, too.

The Principal then asked Madam to send Dennis to 4th grade.

Madam decided to ask some more questions and the Principal agreed.

Madam: What does a cow have four of, that I’ve only two of?

Dennis: Legs.

Madam: What’s in your pants that you have but I don’t have?

Dennis: Pockets

Madam: What starts with a “C” and ends with “T”, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Dennis: Coconut.

Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?

The principal’s eyes opened really wide.

But before he could stop the answer, Dennis replied,”Bubble Gum.”

The test continued.

Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get
me up. I get wet before you do. What am I?

Dennis: Tent.

The principal was looking restless.

Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me 1st, what am I?

Dennis: Wedding Ring

Madam: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good?

Dennis: Nose.

Madam: I’ve a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver?

Dennis: Arrow.

Madam: What starts with ‘F’ & ends with ‘K’ and if you don’t get it, you’ve to use your hand?

Dennis: Fork

Madam: What’s it that all men have, it’s longer in some men
than others, the Pope doesn’t use his & a man gives it 2 his wife after marriage?

Dennis: Surname.

Madam: What part of the man has no bone, but has muscles with a lot of veins and is responsible for making love?

“Heart”, Dennis replied.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,”Send Dennis to the university. I got the last 10 questions wrong
myself”.

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THE ANGEL AND THE MONK

In a monastery lived a certain monk for 18yrs without coming out. The monk,though a holy
man, sometimes questions why God should create people beautiful while others very ugly,some too
tall,others too short,some too fat others thin, why God should make some people to be basking in
wealth, while others living in abject poverty etc.

This disparity was giving him a serious cause for concern and caused him sleepless nights.

One day,an angel of God appeared to him and said,”my friend,you have lived here for a long time
without coming out. Now come with me lets take a walk round the town so that you can refresh your memory with the city life.”

The monk agreed and they set out.

As they were going,they saw a group of people rejoicing and celebrating.

The angel said to the monk,”Let’s enter there”.

They both entered.The owner of the house received them warmly. He offered them food and drink.

After they had eaten (though the angel did not eat but was pretending to be eating) the angel asked the man,”what is this celebration all about?”

The man replied,”The man I had been in enemity with for the past 10 years,called me and made
peace with me. He gave me this golden cup as a sign of our reconciliation, so I called my relations and friends to rejoice with me,for this former enemy of mine has made peace with me”.

The angel nodded and said,”Thank God. It’s more rewarding to be at peace with people than to
keep malice. Go ahead with your celebration but we shall be taking our leave now”.

The man bade them farewell, saying,”Thank sirs for your visit. I appreciate. Farewell”.

The angel and the monk left.

Somewhere along the road,the angel dipped hand inside his pocket and brought out that man’s golden cup and showed to the monk and said,”I have stolen that man’s golden cup”.

The monk was really surprised at this.

“What!”,The monk exclaimed.

“Why did you do such a devilish deed? That man was kind to us. Even without knowing who we were,he received us into his house,gave us food and drink. Why pay him back with evil?”,he added.

The angel told him to keep quiet and stop asking foolish questions.

Helplessly and sheepishly,the monk moved on and the angel followed.

When they got to one bungalow, the angel said to the monk,”Let’s go into that house”.

The monk obeyed. When they
entered,they saw an elderly man
in his late 60’s and a small boy of about 12 years of age.

The man welcomed them and
offered them the much entertainment he could afford.

As they were about to leave,the
angel asked the man,”Who is this
boy?”

“He is my last born”,replied the
man.

“Oh,i love him so much. He is
smart”,The angel said.

The old man smiled at the angel’s
kind gesture.

“He is a good boy. He is really trying”,the old man said smiling.

The angel looked at the monk
and continued,”We want to go to
Agbilaka town,but we don’t know the way. Could you please help us out?”

The old man smiled again and said,”The town is not far from
here anymore. Its a trekkable
distance. Once you come out from
here,take your right. Don’t turn
right or left until you get to a
river. There,take one boat and
get across and that is the town”.

The angel pleaded with the man
to release the little boy,to show
them the way,because they were
strangers and knew nowhere.

The old man agreed.He told his
son to go with them and show
them the way.

“We are grateful,”The angel
said.”Good bye and God bless”.

The boy then escorted the angel
and the monk.When they got to
the river, the boy said to
them,”you will take a boat from
here and get across,that is the
town”.

The angel pleaded with the boy
to help them cross the river
because they are scared of
water.

The boy agreed and went into
the boat with them. Mid way into
the water,the angel held the
boy’s throat, stragled him and
threw him into the river.

On seeing what had happened,the monk shouted,”God deliver me from the hands of the devil! God deliver me from the hands of the devil!”

“Who are you calling devil?”the
angel asked furiously.”Come on
shut up your mouth and keep
going. You don’t know anything”

“You killed that innocent….”,the
monk wanted to argue further in
gripe.

“I said keep quiet!”the angel
roared at him.”keep going!”

After crossing the river,the monk
asked the angel,”Are you sure you
are an angel of God?”

“Of course I am. Keep moving”, The angel replied.

Feeling trapped,the monk moved
on and the angel followed him.

When they got to one thatched-roofed house,the angel said to
the monk,”Let’s go in there”

The monk entered and the angel
followed him.There,they met
another poor elderly man in his
early 60s.The man was overwhelmed with joy on seeing
the guests.He entertained them
with the exiguous and insipid food he had.They ate as usual (though the angel did not eat,he only pretended to be eating).

After they had eaten,they thanked the man for his kind
gesture.They stayed for a while
and then bade him good-bye.

The man saw them off.No sooner
had he(the man)gone back to his
house,than the angel said to the
monk,”please wait for me here,i am coming”.

He went back and set the poor
man’s house on fire and ran back to the monk and said,”Hurry,lets get out of this place!”

They hastened their steps. But as they were going,the angel said to the monk,”Look back”.

The monk looked back and saw a
heavy smoke going up air.

“I have set that man’s house on
fire”,the angel said to the monk.

“Which man?”asked the monk.

“The poor man we have just left
his house of course”, The angel
replied.

This monk looked up above as if
calling upon the heavens to come
and witness the attrocities that
the so called angel has been
comitting.

“Why?”the monk asked furiously.

“God told me to do so”the angel
replied.

“God told you to do evil?”the
monk asked angrily. He was bewildered.

“Who told you it’s evil?”,the angel asked in return with a smile
playing on his face.

“It is 100% evil,devilish and
wicked”the monk replied.

The angel laughed.”It’s
alright. Lets continue our journey”

The monk refused.”take me back
to the monastry. I cant continue
this journey with you. You are
evil. Take me back”, the monk cried.

The angel patted him on the back
and told him not to be afraid, that everything is fine.

“You are only a human being. You cannot the mind of God. Keep moving”

The monk moved on and they
continued on their journey.

Somewhere along the road,they saw one rich man standing near his newly bought flashy car.

The angel said to the monk,”Wait for me”.

The monk waited,while the angel approached the rich man and greeted,”Good day,sir”.

“Good day”,replied the rich man.

“I guess you are the owner of this car”, the angel said.

“Yes,I bought it newly”, the rich man replied hilariously.

“Great!”the angel exclaimed.

He shook hands with the rich man and said,”Congratulations”.

He looked inside the car and nodded his head.

“This is indeed a beautiful car”,the angel remarked.

He then dipped hand inside his pocket and brought out that golden cup he stole from the
first man and handed over to the rich man and said,”I present this golden cup to you for being able to buy this car”

“Thank you so much. I appreciate”, the rich man took the cup,entered into the car and sped off.

Meanwhile,the monk stood speechless,he couldn’t
believe his eyes

“I thought you said you are from heaven?”,he asked the angel.

“Yes I am”,replied the angel. “Is anything the matter”

“So evil deeds started from heaven? Imagine all the atrocities you have been committing…”

“Watch your tongue. I have not committed any atrocity”,the angel cautioned.

“Why did you steal that poor man’s golden cup and gave it to the man who is already rich? At
least you should have left it for him to sell and make some money for himself and for the upkeep
of his family”,the monk argued.

“Listen,never you question the authorities of God. Before God allows anything to happen,there
must be a reason”,the angel convinced him and they continued their journey.

Not more than ten poles from there,they burst out at their starting point.

“Stop here.This is the monastery,from where we
started our journey. Now,listen let me explain everything to you. You see,when those things were
happening,you thought that i was being unfair and wicked.There is a reason for everything that
happens.”

The angel started explaining
everything to the monk.

“You see that man whose golden
cup i stole,is crying now and looking for the cup everywhere.

“But he does not know that he is looking for his death. That his enemy who claimed to have reconciled with him did not actually reconcile with him. He(the enemy) has been looking for a way to kill the man,and when he couldnt find any,he put poison inside the cup and gave to him so that when he drinks with it,he would die.

“That is why God sent me to take the cup away from the innocent man before he drinks with it and
dies”

The monk was speechless. He was beginning to see reasons.

“As for the boy i killed,he is now
in heaven. His father was a
notorious criminal when he was
young, and he was training the
boy to be worse than himself. God then said to me,’Go and bring me that innocent boy
now that his heart is still pure’.

“As regards the man whose
house i set on fire, he was very
rich before. But God decided to
take the riches away from him as
a test of his faith, yet the man
remains faithful to God.

“Consequently, God asked me
to set his house on fire because
He (God) has filled under the
house with gold,and not untill
the house is destroyed,the man
will not rebuild it. Now,when he
will be rebuilding the house,he
will find the gold. And after selling it, he will be ten times richer than he was.

“Do you think i love that rich man I gave the golden cup to? I have
no love for him whatsoever;the
man is the epitome of everything
evil.He sponsors robbers and assasins,he has charms made with human beings,he seizes the lands of the poor especially widows,his workers are not paid,and other evils he commits. Today,G od said that his cup is filled up. As soon as he gets home now,he is going to drink with the cup and that means death for him.

“Can you now see that God’s
ways are different from the ways
of man?”,the angel asked the
monk.

The monk calmly nodded.”Now I have seen that there may be a reason why God created some people tall while others as short, some people rich while others poor and so on.Thank you for showing me these things”, the monk said,nodding positively.

“Now go back to your monastery
and question God’s activities no
more”, the angel finally said and
disappeared.

MORAL OF THE STORY

There is a reason for everything
that happens. God’s ways are
different from the ways of man.

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THE ROBBERY

During a robbery in Hong Kong, the bank robbers shouted to everyone in the bank:”Don’t move. The money belongs to the
Government. Your life belongs to you.”

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly.

This is called “Mind Changing Concept”. Changing the conventional way of thinking.

One young looking lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her:”Please be civilised! This is a robbery and not a rape!”

This is called “Being Professional”. Focus only on what you are trained to do!

When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA trained) told the older robber
(A first school leaving certificate holder):”Big brother, let’s count how much we got.”

The older robber rebutted and said:”You are very stupid. There is so much money and it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!”

This is called “Experience”. Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications!

After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him:”Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”.

This is called “Swim with the tide”. Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage.

The supervisor says: “It will be good if there is a robbery every month.”

This is called “Changing priority”. Personal Happiness is more important than your job.

The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million.

The robbers were very angry and complained:”We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!”

This is called “Knowledge is worth as much as gold.

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A BEAUTIFUL PAIN

“The strangest happenings in life come with the most sincere intentions from familiar people, and such sincerity is what hurts us the most.”

That was the consolation I got from my friend, John, after the
astonishing reply I got from Tutu earlier that day. I had asked her “will you marry me?” in a bar somewhere on Atican beach where we decided to celebrate her birthday. The ovation was high, it was a well packaged surprise; I invited few of our friends, including a saxophonist to usher in a romantic aura, and John even went out of his way to invite Wande Coal just to make it look
extraordinary.

“Forget it, this guy is the best male vocalist in Naija.”

Tutu is also a big fan of his. The
stage was set for me to shine, and I was quite confident she was going to say yes. I sipped on
the wine I held in my left hand as the saxophonist set my heart ablaze with the melodic tune he
played.

Not quite after that, Wande Coal stepped forward; you need to see the way Tutu’s friends were screaming, “Black Diamond!”

What’s it with girls and glamour? I can’t comprehend.

Wande’s voice finally brought decorum to the room. He sang his onetime chat topper and R&B single Ololufe and concluded by walking up to Tutu and asked her as he pointed at me, “t’iku bade,
s’oma baa lo? – when death comes, will you go with him?” and then the ladies echoed, “awww”

“He’s going to propose.”

That was my cue. I approached Tutu as Wande faded from her
presence. I deep my hand into my pocket and retrieved the Tifanny diamond ring I had prepared for that moment. I hit it on my wine glass as if I was going to make a toast and declared,

“Ladies and gentlemen, can I have your attention for a minute?”

Silence enveloped the bar.
*****
I drove to the nearest bar on my street and sat there for hours in an attempt to drink off the pain;
but for every shot of vodka I took the agony became more evident.

My fiancée had just broken up with me. I wasn’t pained because she decided to quit, I was hurt because she didn’t give me a
reason. I have always been a victim of breakups, but Gbemi’s exit was traumatically dramatic.

Who ends a relationship without a reason?

“Maybe I am not just good enough” I muttered to myself, and then I got an unexpected response from a lady who was sitting opposite to me,

“Good enough for who, the vodka?” Before then I didn’t notice anyone was seated in front of me, and so I was surprised to hear a stranger question me.

However, the boy within me who was hurt and seeking for attention couldn’t ignore her presence.

“Maybe I wasn’t good enough for her, my ex. She broke up with me,” the alcohol aided my speech.

She simply smiled and snapped, “Your girlfriend broke up with you. So? How is that the end of the world?” I was perplexed at her response, I expected to hear a “sorry” or “why?”

“Mister, if you choose to drink away the memory, you’ll only wake up from a hangover to discover how a beautiful girl walked pass you.”

“Who are you?” my curiosity heightened

“I am Tutu.”

“I am Omotayo, and if I may ask…”

“Ask” she interrupted. Truth is if she hadn’t interrupted I wasn’t sure of what I was going to ask her. She technically afforded me few moments to think,

“Are you here alone?”

“Yes”

“Okay, I can see you are also drinking. If I am drinking to cure my pain, why are you drinking?”

“Every passing moment is but a privilege. You never know when death will come knocking, enjoy
the life you lead while it last. I am simply enjoying the moment.” She winked at me and made a toast,“to forgetting about the past and focusing on the future.” Our glasses kissed and that night became history.

That night I got her contact and we decided to hook up some other time. While we conversed, she exhibited a strong personality trait; she appeared to me like an angel with a broken wing who was helping others survive. There was
something about the words she spoke; they came with precision and definite messages.

Meeting her birthed a new me, she became my counselor and no night became dawn when we didn’t reach out to each other. Then something happened, I called Tutu’s phone on a Sunday and it was switched off. I sent her messages on the social media networks she operated, I didn’t get a reply. Things remained that way for two months, and for each day that expired all I did was stare helplessly at the last text she sent me:

I am going to bed now dear. I just want you to know that meeting you has made me a happier woman.

One day, I was on my way back from work when I saw her standing outside my door. I matched the brake impatiently and rushed out of the car leaving the door opened after I had managed to pull the handbrake.

We reached for each other
and hugged. I fell in love with her afterwards. We did everything together; she spent more nights at my place. She helped me plan my life and with her by my side I was able to exceed certain milestones. I soon learnt about the dreadful things she had gone through in life; her mother died while birthing her and her father was a soldier that lost his life to the war against the Boko Haram insurgents.

Learning about her sufferings made me love her more, hence I
decided to will my loyalty to her.
*****
“Today marks the beginning of another year for a very special woman in my life. She is someone I like to refer to as the hallmark of my existence, because she gave me a reason not to drown myself with alcohol,” I smiled and winked at her before continuing.

“Tutu, you made yourself a perfect reason for me to love again. You nurtured the boy you met in that bar into a man. Your presence in my life has made it more colourful. I cannot imagine a future without YOU. Tutu,” I knelt on both knee and asked her,“Will you marry me?”

She gazed into my eyes as I watched tears drop from hers, and as I reached for her hands, she ran outside the bar and I went after her.

“Tayo, I cannot marry you.”

“Why? What have I done wrong?”

“You haven’t done anything wrong; I just don’t think this is right.”

The memories of the times I have been a victim flashed through my mind. I searched my mind for answers I didn’t get, “am I about to become a
victim again?”

“Tutu, do you doubt how I feel about you?”

“No Tayo. I don’t, but love isn’t about the feelings alone. It is a decision that has to be made.”

“Then decide, marry me. I have made up my mind.”

“I cannot afford to enslave you with my burden,” she replied.

I became confused and nervous; I
couldn’t comprehend what she said. I held her hands as I pulled her closer, kissed her forehead
and whispered, “No condition will change my conviction about you Tutu.”

She murmured “I love you Tayo”, pushed me away and exited the beach.
*****
My baby,

By the time you get this I will be dead. I was diagnosed of leukemia, and the few months I have to live expired yesterday. I was on chemo the two months I was away, but I missed you so much I had to return and spend the rest of my life loving you. I almost said yes to marrying you, but that would have made you a widower. I loved you till my last breathe.

Tutu.

She died two weeks after her birthday. I dropped the ring on her coffin with a note that says,“the history we shared will never fade away”. I wasn’t a victim after all.

“True love knows when to say NO.” – Olufemi Fragile

-Elsieisy’s Blog

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Ode to a beautiful soul | #HappyBirthdayOla

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Smile like an angel
May happiness gum you like hair gel

Always available like mobile networks
Works hard like the minister of works

I’m proud to have you
And will always adore you

May God keep you
And always bless you

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Grace to grow, excel and manifest
Never slumber as you come first

Happy Birthday, Big Sis

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FICTION: MY SUICIDE

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I’d gone to bed early yesterday, smiling because I knew it was a big day ahead.
The alarm sounded at 4:00 am, and off it went, I wanted to enjoy this sleep and every bit of it.

This day would be my last.

Soon I was jogging round the neighborhood.

It’s a pleasure to die fit. Gasping for breath, I collapsed into the nearest chair, allowing it feel my weight.

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The clock ticked 6:00am, time for some fruits, I eat healthy you know. Lazily, I went about the chores and had a breakfast of oats and baked bean balls.
By noon, I had my regular afternoon tea preparing for the much awaited hour.

I stared at my favorite clothes, neatly ironed, lying on the bed. I picked up my phone, switched on my data and went online, I would uninstalled all social networks including insta, snap chat, and the likes.

I got through my Facebook notifications, read all messages, but didn’t reply any. Sent new friend requests and browsed through walls. The memes pages was hilarious, reacted Haha to those funny uploads that got me laughing. WhatsApp had a similar experience. Read through messages and groups, but didn’t reply any. Snapped some selfies, adding snap chat effects, did some editing and laughed at my puffed jaw. Reset to factory settings stared at me in the face, I made sure nothing was backed up as I emptied the content of my phone.

In my best clothes, an agbada with a matching fila, my Italian shoes, still sparkling as I bought them, I ate my last meal, wheat meal and egusi soup washed down with Johnnie walker, as I listened to my favorite music, KSA, Obey, and Fatai Rolling Dollar. I hit the dance floor, laughing at my funny moves.

It was the hour. How would I go? I wanted it to be gallant, but grand. Something more like, Popular psychiatric doctor and psychologist Dr. Saul Gyasi found dead, making the headlines. I had a German short gun with 3 bullets left from my time as a medical volunteer during the Zaire war years.

One bullet, is all that’s required, but I can’t get myself to use it, I might just forgive myself. What about using the leftover rat poison, it’s effective, No!

That would be too degrading I thought, dismissing the idea. The lagoon? It’ll be great dying brave but I’m afraid of heights and don’t want anyone saving me.

While figuring how I want to die, pictures of Mrs. Gyasi, and our daughters; Maggie and Donna appeared before me. As if in a trance I recalled how the Volvo car I allowed Mrs. Gyasi drive taxied off our lane, running into an incoming lorry.

Years after, here I am wanting to die. I pretended to be okay without my family, but today I must die.

Still pondering over my possible suicide option, someone tapped on me. I turned to my left,opening my eyes only to see my bunk mate asking if everything is okay, the others looking on from their beds.

Beads of sweat formed on my forehead, realizing it was a dream, I am fine, I replied and smiled to bed, happy it wasn’t real.

Written by Jefferson Waleson

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POEM: DEAR HEART

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Dear heart, I know it feels bad
I’m sorry. my bad!!
I never knew it will be this hard
I never knew you be this sad

Dear heart
just take heart
And leap like a Hart
That wears a blue hat

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Dearest heart, I feel your hurt
in this home that looks like a hut
I tried to patch it with moot
But I keep seeing runt

My dear heart,
it smells a rat
When she doesn’t see any might
Mehn! I should stop this rant

Dear heart, just move on
You have got to live on
Love isn’t something you base on
Someone to turn on

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INSPIRATION: ARE THERE TWO JESUS

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David your food is getting cold, Sarah called as her six years old son seemed to be glued to his Bible. She walked straight towards him and snatched the Bible from him angrily.

     “I told you I am already late for work, moreover, what are you looking for?, for the past one week you seems to be inseparable from your Bible “, Sarah asked as she helped David to adjust his school uniform.

    “Mom, I can’t seem to find my answer , perhaps you may help me” David said.
    
“Okay Sweety but eat your food first and then you can ask your question in the car”, she replied.
   
David was so excited, he was finally going to get an answer to the question that has been bothering him for long. Within a twinkle of an eye, he had finished up with his food. They entered into the car and as his mother drove on he asked “Mum, may I ask my question now?”

“Of course “,Sarah replied.
“Mum, are there two Jesus? ”
“Hmn, what did you say?”, Sarah asked to be sure she heard her son well.
    “Mom, are there two Jesus?”, he repeated it
   “Will you shut up, what sort of blasphemy is that, who has been teaching this heresy?”, Sarah asked angrily.

David was now shaky “Our new teacher taught us that……… ”
   
“Oh oh, your new teacher has been feeding you with such heresies, no problem I will go and see him before going to my office, better I go late than leave you like this” Sarah interrupted her son. When they got to the school, the morning devotion had already started.

Sarah walked straight to the teacher not minding if she was going to disturb the other children.
   
“What have you been teaching my son?, if you aren’t capable to be a teacher then resign, okay?”

Before the teacher could say anything, Sarah had slapped her, the proprietress’ attention was called to this and they were all ordered into her office. Both parties narrated their own part of the story. The proprietress brought David closer to himself who was now shedding tears.

She calmed him down and asked “why did you think there are two Jesus? ”
     Still crying he said “Our teacher told us that Jesus is our father and his children behave exactly like him. He said Jesus does not steal, lie, fight or stay away from church and that his children are the same “. David answered and sobbed.
  

“Okay, that’s true but that is not enough reason for you to believe that there are two Jesus “,the proprietress said as she wiped David’s tears.

“Is there any other thing we need to know, don’t be afraid, tell me what your teacher said, he won’t flog you ?”
   “My mum told me she is Jesus’ daughter, she use to sing “I am a Jesus baby…. “, but mum still fights. I saw her take daddy’s money last month and when daddy asked, she denied it. This morning, she even fought with daddy. So I thought probably Mummy’s Jesus was different from my teacher’s Jesus. That was why I was searching my Bible to see if I will find my mummy’s Jesus.
    By this time, a mist of tears had gathered in Sarah’s eyes, she was so ashamed, she could not look into her son’s eyes.
      

DO Your Character Make People Question If You Serve a Different Jesus? It is not late to Repent today. The true Jesus loves you.

Propellerads

Merife Obinna’s Blog
©2017

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JOKE: RENT FOR APARTMENT

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A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to  spend the night with her for N5,000.  They did their thing, and before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment RENT FOR APARTMENT.

On the way to the office, he regretted  that the whole event had not been worth the price.  So he had his secretary send a check for N2,500 and enclose the following typed note:

Dear Madam,
Enclosed please find a check for N2,500 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon,
because when I rented the place, I was under the impression that:
1. It had never been occupied.
2. There was plenty of heat and water.
3. It was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.

However, I found out that:
1. It had been previously occupied.
2. There wasn’t any heat and certainly no water.
3. It was much too large for my comfort.

Upon receipt of the note, the lady immediately returned the check for N2,500 with the following note:

Dear Sir,
1. I cannot understand how you could expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
2. As for the heat and water, my apartment has plenty if you know how to turn it on.
3. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don’t have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the management.

So, Please send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady.

Propellerads

Merife Obinna’s Blog
©2017

All Rights reserved. No part of this post should be reproduced WITHOUT our express permission. Thanks

POEM: UNKNOWN

My name is not known
Everything I unroll
For my name, check the first roll
Its sweeter than an egg roll

I walk from here to Madagascar
Because I’m faster than any car
Like Barack Obama,”yes I can”
I only drink what its in a can

I smile when everyone is crying
Like seriously, I’m trying
If you think I’m lying
Just check all the gold I’m mining

I believe the world is unfair
Just pushing and pulling like it’s a fair
Even in music videos, she must be fair
Dancing and winning like a fairy

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Merife Obinna’s Blog
©2017

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HISTORY: IGBO HISTORY

Several historians of Igbo culture have written various accounts concerning where Igbos originated from. Anyone writing an historical account of Igbo people must have facts to back it up.

However, no historian can claim the historical accounts of other historians are either truthful or falsehood, because no historical account is nobler than the other.

Here are two (2) historical accounts of Igbo origin:

Igbos are descendants of Jacob who later became known as Israel. Israel had 12 sons one of which was known as Gad. When famine caused Jacob and his sons to migrate to Egypt where there was an abundance of food at the time. They remained in Egypt for many years; before the Egyptians became envious and began to persecute the Israelites.Gad who became the patriarch of all Igbos had 7 sons – Eri was the 5th of them.

Before the Egyptian persecution began, Eri in company of his family and associates left Egypt after catching an inkling of impending persecution in Egypt.Eri and his people then traversed several rivers and hills. They crossed river Nile and entered Southern Sudan, and moved onto Chad. From Chad, they crossed river Benue and came to Lokoja.

From Lokoja, they sailed through river Niger and came ashore at Aguleri around 1305 BC. they settled close to the confluence point of Ezu and Omambala rivers. But Eri and his people did not stay there for long, because of the consistent flooding of the two rivers. At that confluence point of the two rivers, Eri built a shrine where he regularly offered prayers and spiritual rites to God, and to honour his own father – Gad. After Eri finished setting up his shrine, he had a dreamt, and in his dream, an entity changed his name from Eri to Igbo. From then onwards, Eri became known as Igbo.

He loved the name  so much that he named his fourth son Igbo. The name Igbo started trending, and became popular across the Eastern side of river Niger. The word Igbo (derived from I puru gboo, which means You left early) had great significance to Eri and his people of the, because they left Egypt early enough before the great persecution began.

Later on, Eri’s descendants started to migrate to other parts of the South-East in search of livelihood. The rest has become real history.

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Another story by some Igbo historians say that Igbos didn’t descend from Jewish people rather that they were originally inhabited West Africa.Just as Igbos believe that “if someone says food tastes good, he should also say what it tastes like.” 

Scholars of the second school of thought believe that the second story is based on discoveries and excavation of great works of art made in various parts of Igboland such as Igbo-ukwu, Okigwe, and Nsukka to support their viewpoint.

They are asking why do Igbos not share similar skin colour and hair texture like the Jews? Again, that if sunburn was responsible for darkening the complexion of Eri and his associates, does the same sunburn the cause of the dark skin of their offspring?

Merife Obinna’s Blog
©2017

All Rights reserved. No part of this post should be reproduced WITHOUT our express permission. Thanks

POEM: GOODBYE

I will miss you
But can I say that about you?
I will always love you
But it seems I have seen the last of you

It worth the time
We joked like we were spiced with tyme
Listen to the blues and rhyme
And all that life has to mime

Now it seems I’m the only one hurt
Well, let me live in this hut
And take a glass of malt
Knowing that everything has come to a halt

I rather keep my purity
Than to become a nonentity
Turning my life to a pity
Because I have no will written

He’s better than me, right?
Goodluck to your Mr Right!
I pray he has the might
Guarding and protecting you with all his might

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